Happiness

I'm gonna start this post by stating that I really don't like the song Happier by Bastille. There's no reason for my dislike of this song other than the fact that it was stuck in my head for the entire duration of me writing and editing this post. So that's all.

Moving on...

Here’s a question that I’ve found myself thinking about for the last couple of years: What does it mean to be happy? 

Here are some other questions that normally follow. 

What makes me happy? Who makes me happy? Who’s job is it to make me happy? Is it my best friends duty? Is it my boyfriends? My family? If I only find happiness when I’m around a select few, is that even real happiness? Is it selfish of me to want others to value my own happiness when they make a decision? Does that mean I don’t value my own happiness, since I’m pushing that job onto someone else? Do I make myself happy? Is there a difference between sober happiness and the happiness that comes when my mind is clouded by whichever substance? Which is real? Or are they both real? Is genuine, prolonged happiness even something that’s obtainable? Will I forever be stuck in quick moments of happiness—thinking back on them when I’m going through the longer moments of mediocrity?

The funny thing is, I sincerely do not know the answers to any of those questions which is probably why I find them going round and round in my head so often. But I guess despite that, despite all the uncertainty… for some reason I’ve truly never been happier in my life than I am right now. 

There was a quote that I came across on Pinterest years ago and it’s always stuck with me. It read, “Be careful not to put your happiness in other people’s hands because they’ll drop it every time.” I think that for a lot of people, myself included, we place a lot of weight on the people in our lives to make us happy. Conditional happiness. It happens silently and unnoticeably. Texts good morning or goodnight. A phone call when a friend knows you have a major exam. Even something as simple as a recap of an event that happened in their day. 

Because honestly, it’s so easy to simply be happy when you’re around other people. When you’re with someone who always knows how to make you laugh, or makes you feel heard and validated, or even just shows you some simple consideration. It’s so easy to associate that relationship with happiness. 

But we’re human. We’re such flawed, inconsistent beings—which, don’t get me wrong, is beautiful in its own right. But when it comes to having to maintain someone else’s happiness… it’s impossible. 

So now if you’ve defined your happiness in someone else or something else and they drop it or it falls short, new feelings occur. Disappointment. Neglect. Anger. Frustration. Confusion. Even depression. 

I think this is why our society finds it hard to be consistently happy. I think we place so many “If… Then…” statements on our happiness. If this happens then I’ll be happy. If I get paid this much and I can buy this thing then I’ll be happy. If he texts me tonight then I’ll be happy. Literally fill in the blank, tailor it to your need and there you go. 

But here’s a thought: happiness should be present regardless. 

The thing is, nothing in this world can make you happy. It’s no one’s job. A new boyfriend or a new best friend will not make you happy. A trip half way across the world will not make you happy. A new job, a new outfit, a new dog, house, car, degree, losing ten pounds, gaining ten pounds—none of it. 

If it’s one thing that I do know about happiness it’s that it’s an inside job. You’re the only one who’s responsible for it. No one else. 

The biggest thing that made me unhappy was the lack of something. Something as shallow as not having a new bag or something as hurtful as being abandoned by someone I put my love and trust in. It would literally rip me up to the point that it would be all I thought about until there was nothing happy left in me. 

But then I switched the thinking. I’m going to be happy for everything that I have right now. I’m going to get lost in this moment—so lost that there isn’t even time to think about what I’m ‘lacking’. I’m going to be happy because surrounding me are people who have shown up for me. Consistently. And I am not going to waste one more thought or physical breath on someone who couldn’t be bothered. 

We all deserve to be happy. And honestly, the only one who knows how to make you unconditionally happy is yourself. So don’t attach something so personal to things and people that simply can’t know you that personally. 

Then all those questions… they just become irrelevant. I’ll always wonder where the line is for a friend’s role in my happiness. And I’ll always wonder if I’ll look back on specific moments and think that was the happiest I’ll ever feel because of a, b or c reason. But I’ve made the decision to be happy regardless and that opens up a whole world of positivity and possibility. 

Taking back the narrative and power of your happiness is one of the most empowering things you can do. Not only that… it’s one of the happiest.