Relationships

Relationships are always a complicated thing. But they shouldn’t be. In a perfect world, no relationship would ever be complicated. Everything would be an exchange of positive energy for positive energy leaving both people feeling even more fulfilled and happy then they previously were. But it doesn’t always work like that. People are complicated. Emotions are complicated. Which makes relationships complicated.

I’ve started to define my relationships in a new way and it’s really helped me set boundaries for myself and the people in my life. Senses of self-worth and happiness are things that I’ve become extremely protective of. And honestly, if you’re not exchanging positivity for positivity then you’re not getting close to me. That’s that. 

There’s two pieces of every relationship that I’ve started to seriously consider when analyzing whether or not a person should be invested in. Part one is energy and part two is how they relate to the relationship I have with myself. 

This post is going to focus more on platonic and/or family relationships although it can be related to romantic if that’s how it resonates with you. 

You know, it’s a scientific fact that everything is made up of energy. Like, everything. The sky, the ground, the world, the universe—it’s all energy. Even your own heart and thoughts, yes the thoughts that you have in your head, give off an energetic frequency that can be physically measured. That’s why meditation practices and yoga are so beneficial because they change the type of frequencies you give off but anywaaaaay

The way I see it, we all have an energy bubble surrounding us that we give off. I mean, come on it’s a fact that we’re drawn to people that just have that look about them. You know what I’m talking about. They just have those positive vibes and make the world seem a like a brighter place. How many times have you been talking to someone and they just have that glow and you’re left with the impression that you need more? 

The truth is, when we’re aligned with our true self then it’s so positive it’s attracting everything positive back to us. Including positive people and relationships that challenge us to become and grow into the best person we can be. When we’re stuck in our own limiting beliefs or negative self-talk it has that same effect but instead of positive things attracting to us we attract more bad. Consequently, we attract people into our lives that are reaffirming those negative thoughts in our own head causing us to be stuck in a cycle that's nearly impossible to get out of. 

Happiness

I'm gonna start this post by stating that I really don't like the song Happier by Bastille. There's no reason for my dislike of this song other than the fact that it was stuck in my head for the entire duration of me writing and editing this post. So that's all.

Moving on...

Here’s a question that I’ve found myself thinking about for the last couple of years: What does it mean to be happy? 

Here are some other questions that normally follow. 

What makes me happy? Who makes me happy? Who’s job is it to make me happy? Is it my best friends duty? Is it my boyfriends? My family? If I only find happiness when I’m around a select few, is that even real happiness? Is it selfish of me to want others to value my own happiness when they make a decision? Does that mean I don’t value my own happiness, since I’m pushing that job onto someone else? Do I make myself happy? Is there a difference between sober happiness and the happiness that comes when my mind is clouded by whichever substance? Which is real? Or are they both real? Is genuine, prolonged happiness even something that’s obtainable? Will I forever be stuck in quick moments of happiness—thinking back on them when I’m going through the longer moments of mediocrity?

The funny thing is, I sincerely do not know the answers to any of those questions which is probably why I find them going round and round in my head so often. But I guess despite that, despite all the uncertainty… for some reason I’ve truly never been happier in my life than I am right now. 

My Depression Story

So it’s been a long while since I’ve written on here and to be honest there was a point where I thought that I wouldn’t really write again. My life seemed to be moving in a different direction than keeping up a fashion blog and I was okay with that. 

Don’t get me wrong, I still love following and being inspired by fashion and the creative aspects of it but keeping up a blog, for me, started to stem on the side of narcissism and I wasn’t willing to try to keep up with it anymore.

More so, major changes were happening within myself which made it extremely difficult to participate in the majority of things I previously enjoyed doing. 

Sooo we’re going to deep dive in this post (hopefully without oversharing because my Scorpio side is actually cringing rn at letting people know what’s actually going on in my head). Recently, I came to the conclusion that even though I don’t want to keep up a fashion blog, I still have something to say. And if what I say can help at least one person then it’s worth saying. 

To be honest, depression really wasn’t a word that was in my vocabulary before this year. I have never been a person with their head in the sand about mental illness and the effects it can have on a person’s life. In fact, I’m quite the opposite. Many of the people that surround me have had some sort of experience with it and I’ve always been an advocate for the positive effects of working through what you’re feeling instead of being in denial about it in an attempt to put a Band-Aid over it so to speak.

Dear 2016

Everyone jokes that 2016 was a horrible year and in some respects, it was.

For me, 2016 was a year that started off with moments I can only describe as make or break moments. The moments that made me pause, take a breather and regroup.

I always find that it is in these moments where the most personal growth happens. You learn things about yourself that you didn’t before. You learn how to pour your energies into activities and school work so you don’t get caught up in your own mind. You also learn that it’s okay to take a moment to feel your emotions completely on the days when the distractions just aren’t cutting it. You learn which friends take the time to understand what’s going on and which ones leave. Which you also discover is an alright thing, because if they didn’t care enough to ask what was up then they probably shouldn’t be there in the first place.

For me, 2016 was learning how to be independent while still being connected. It was the first time I lived in my own apartment and learning how to function in that space instead of becoming lost in it is a set of skills I’m proud of. I also learned ways to make myself happy. And by no means am I saying that I suddenly have the all-knowing answer to that existential question of happiness but I feel like I’ve made progress from where I was a year or even 3 years ago.

From the media and the world, I learned that compassion goes a long way. Humanity isn’t perfect and we never will be but there is so much that can be changed by changing the way you lead your own life. Making yourself a little kinder and warmer in a cold world is never a bad thing.

The New Year is always built up as this grand opportunity for a huge change. But I’ve found that change doesn’t happen as quickly as the 60 seconds it takes for the clock to turn, it happens day by day sometimes even month by month.

Thank you 2016 for teaching me about strength and independence. Thank you for lessons on compassion and friendship. 2017 I look forward to getting to know you day by day and month by month.  I hope you look forward to getting to know me too.

Love,

A.